I am not sure whether you know this about us but we’re not the greatest planners. It’s just not our thing, we just don’t have the attention span. As a result we have developed the skill of not really caring when things go to shit. We don’t mention this as a precursor to informing you of some sort of calamity, although we are sure these will come as inevitably as the rising sun. No, the reason to mention it now is because the Spa Hotel we planned to spend the next 2 weeks didn’t really have a Spa, nor to our bemusement did it have a restaurant, which sort of made a lie of Stuart’s claim we were half-board. We did ask to see the Spa on arrival but were told we had to book as only two people could fit in at any one time and it was currently “full”. However, creeping into the Spa late at night using the secret lift, we discovered that it was pretty much a big jacuzzi, a single shower and of all things a sauna. Despite these initial let downs, our room was really spacious with a double Jacuzzi, separate shower and not one but two smart TV’s, not that Fran was happy with even a single TV in the bedroom.

The plan for these two weeks was to do some cycling, as we thought that after two weeks sailing we’d have had enough of the beaches. However, no plan survives contact with the enemy and the enemy in this context was the heat. Our first cycle started at 7am to avoid the worst excesses of the sun but after three hours we were seriously wilting. Of course our legendry ability to get lost didn’t help matters !!!………this part of the journey was going to need re-think.

It is at this point we decided to hire a car and do some exploring of the island but without the accompanying exercise. We rang a random local car hire firm who said they only had one car left but it was quite smart. Once again, there was probably some follow up questions normal people would have asked at this point, we also think there may have been a bit of miscommunication. The first thing we noticed on getting the car dropped off was that whilst it was true to say it was a really smart car, it was more importantly a “Smart” car, probably the world’s smallest car…….Stuart wasn’t impressed. However, this car is amazing and perfect for a busy island like Mallorca, we could get anywhere and park anywhere. We also discovered it could go off-road but don’t let the rental company know this.

Mallorca is a truly beautiful island that due to tourism has probably become a little too over developed, the irony and hypocrisy of which is not lost on us but it is what it is. Our first trip out in the Noddy car was to swim in a beautiful (and cold) stream. This was a great idea from Fran and despite the long time spent navigating through the winding roads we were sure it was going to be a wonderful experience. See the attached photo to see why it didn’t meet expectations.

After this disaster, we took ourselves and our red rocket up the Serra de Tramuntana Mountains, a mountain range and UNESCO world heritage site which forms the northern backbone of the island. This didn’t disappoint, as it is a magical place with numerous large birds of prey gliding past sheer cliffs and over cool lakes. At one point we saw a plastic table and chairs in a small layby, with a great view down across the range. We were not sure if it was meant to be a picnic area but in the absence of anyone to ask, we parked our arses, broke out the ham and cheese rolls and lost an hour. Mallorca is really busy this time of year and this where our amazing Smart car came into its own. We could squeeze through car log jams and park in places other couldn’t. However, where possible we tried desperately to avoid the crowds by searching out hard to get to beaches. This is how we discovered the “beach that never was”. Or to put more accurately we failed to discover a beach that was there but which we had targeted specifically because it eluded the common herd. Firstly we travelled 2km down a knackered road with potholes that the New Forest would be proud of. Then we hiked for about 50 minutes gradually burning through all of our water supply. Whilst we could see the beech below, it seemed like we were getting further and further from it. We sent our best scout up ahead who came back stating he’d found the way forward and made a throwaway comment about cliffs and climbing…….hence we joined the common herd and trecked all the way back. From then on we stuck to visiting beeches that weren’t as tricky to get to but found that by going at about 7pm we could spend a couple of hours swimming and still get dinner in. They eat late here and some places didn’t even open until after 8pm. It was a great week but we both felt that with the two previous sailing weeks we’d probably done Mallorca for this trip and we still have another week to go !!!!!